I'm still reading though A Woman After God's Own Heart so I may be writing about this for a while. It seems I'm having a particularly hard time with some of it so I'm having to read and re-read certain chapters. I already knew I was pretty selfish, but some of this is asking a little too much of a person like me.
This is what I'm suppose to do before my husband comes home from work:
Prepare my appearance. Freshen my make up, comb my hair, make sure the kids are clean and neat.
Prepare my greeting. Get off the phone, turn off the TV, yell "Daddy's home!" and all go greet him enthusiastically.
Prepare myself for the king coming into the castle. Have the table set, clear out visitors, pick up the house, act like the party is about to begin.
Prepare to serve. "Relinquish any hopes and expectations of receiving help from your husband. If you get it, praise God - and your husband profusely - but enter into your evening ready to give and expecting nothing in return." (this one is beyond hard for me)
"Is this reality?" I ask myself. "Or is this stepford?" Is there really a person out there who has this kind of energy? I accept the fact that I need to be joyful when Eric gets home. I don't need to bombard him with "the kids were horrible today" or "why were you so late?". I try to practice this on a regular basis but sometimes I just literally can not do this! Do I just put up this pretense that I wasn't annoyed that he was late or that everything went great in the house that day? I know a lot of this has to do with disciplining yourself to pray about your attitude and actions (which I'm trying to work on).
All these things I listed above sound wonderful and I'm sure my husband would love coming home to this kind of atmosphere. But everything in me wants to scream at the author... "Are you freaking kidding me? After all I do all day I'm supposed to treat my husband like the king of the castle? Am I not the queen?" But, at the end of the day, Eric is my best friend - the person I love the most on this earth. Why would I not want to treat him in this way? I know the answer to this and it's a few little words: pride (what makes his needs more important than mine?), selfishness (why can't he do these things for me?), envy (why does he get to work while I stay home with the kids?).
Tough assignment God.
2 comments:
Hated that book.
Always smacked a little too close to home.
It was a tough, tough summer when I studied it.
blah. Should probably reread it.
I think I should read that book. Isn't pride & selfishness the source of a lot of our "bad moments"? I want time to myself or I compare my house to a much cleaner friend's house or I want Kel to have the girls at their worst not always their best...we just need to keep focused on the Lord who can lead us to a mindset of contentment.
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