Not Going Down without a Fight

So, I'm 31 today. (Long sigh). I thought 30 was bad but now I'm officially "in my thirties." This sounds so old to me, I never really thought I would get here. I still feel like I'm in my early twenties and there are certain things that I'm holding onto very tightly to make it seem like I'm still cool. Here are a few of them:

I can't bring myself to cut my hair...I feel if I cut my hair my youth will go with it. I always think of that one scene in the movie Little Women where Jo cuts her hair and her sister says "But Jo! Your one beauty!" I have a fear that this will happen to me and it will probably be Amber to say it :). Not that I ever even fix my hair or think that's it's beautiful....just can't do it....not yet.

I still shop in the juniors section. I still buy clothes from places like American Eagle and Maurices and don't see myself stopping anytime soon. My clothing style is totally stuck in my college days but I can't bring myself to wear cardigans and nylons. Just can't do it....not yet.

I listen to rap music. (Gasp!) - Don't worry mom, I listen to the beat not the words :) - There's just something about cranking up some Jay-Z, pretending that I don't have kids or a mortgage or wrinkles. Besides I just can't find a way to run to Christian music. When Toby Mac comes on my iPod I literally start wheezing and sputtering like an old car. I occasionally pass Pastor Steve on my jogging route and I'm sure he's listening to Eminem....he always looks very determined. Well maybe someday I'll learn how to get pumped up to "People Need the Lord." But I just can't do it....not yet.

I am a Twi-hard. I love everything about the Twilight series - the books, the movies, the hype. My age has not kept me from this craziness. However, I did feel a little old when I ran into Eric's teenage cousin at the New Moon premiere (my friend Nat and I were standing there in our matching New Moon t-shirts) and she asked me if I was Team Jacob or Team Edward. We were both Team Edward. We were both giggling. Maybe I will get over this obsession once the last movie Breaking Dawn comes out but, I just can't do it....not yet.

These things are all completely nuts but who says you have to grow up when you hit your thirties? I often think about the things I can't hold onto about my youth and it's a total downer. I think about the farm I'll never live on again. Friends I went to high school and college with, I'll never see again. People I'll never get to work with again. Because these things make me sad, I prefer to look on the bright side of getting older. Not sure what the bright side is exactly....but maybe I'll check into getting advance tickets for Eclipse today.