It has been cold and rainy for the past 2 days here. I was inside all day yesterday so an old friend came to visit me. His name was Boredom. He invited his friends - Restlessness, Unmotivation, Sadness, and Envy. We had a great time during their visit - they pretty much stayed all day long.
"Hey Boredom, how are you? Haven't seen you since last February," I said.
"I'm bored," he replied with a yawn.
Then Boredom told me that playing with my children inside is a drag.
He said, "why are you always Ken, it's so boring, can't you be Barbie every once in a while?" and "seriously, another puppet show - kill me now."
I fought against him saying "I should want to play with my kids. This time is short...soon they won't want anything to do with me."
Then he said, "but you hate to play, always have, always will."
"Touche," I agreed.
Restlessness joined in saying, "let's get out of here! Let's go do something, anything! We could walk around Alco again."
"No, I need to stay here for once. I'm always dragging my kids places to get out of the house."
"Why don't you just get a real job?" Restlessness taunted.
"But I love being home with my kids."
"Do you?"
"I don't know. Sometimes...in the summer."
"But the winter is brutal, look what you have ahead of you - painfully long days, darkness, loneliness. Your kids would probably be happier playing with other kids at daycare - you don't do anything compared to other stay at home moms anyway...you have no special hobbies, talents, or creative genes to pass on to your children."
"You're right." He had made a good point.
"What are you doing, don't get up - just sit on the couch!" Unmotivation chimed in.
"But I should really make some cookies for Gladys, her husband just passed away and she's lonely," I said.
"There's always tomorrow."
"What about the laundry and, oh, the basement needs a deep clean in the worst way."
"Tomorrow...."
"Okay," I said.
Then Sadness crept in the house without me even knowing. "Why don't you feel sorry for yourself today?" she asked.
"Why?" I replied.
"Because you used to be important, now you play Barbies for a living."
"So true," I said as I contemplated letting myself have a good cry.
"You should cry because you used to be important, but now your husband is," agreed Envy.
"But Envy, I chose to stay at home with my kids, I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to do that."
"Maybe if you lived in the city like your sisters you would have more to do. You would have play gyms and all sorts of opportunities for your children - your sisters have a better life than you do," he pushed.
"I like this town and I like my life here," I pushed back.
"The country then," he said, "you've always wanted to live there. What's holding you back? Look at the peaceful, nice houses out in the country. There is so much more for your girls to do out there."
I surrendered, "Oh, you're so right, how I long for wide open spaces again."
As I was listening to Boredom, Restlessness, Unmotivation, Sadness, and Envy, I thought I heard someone else trying to speak. I listened closely but I could barely hear His voice, the other voices were drowning it out. I think He said,
"Be still and know that I am God."
But I couldn't be sure....
5 comments:
I could have written that, except my visitors have been guilt, frustration, emptiness & the one that says, "you are a terrible mother, wife, homemaker..."
Here's to hoping you're having a better day!
Brilliantly written.
I'm linking to you under my "Love it" section.
I bet your sisters have the same visitors. I know I do.
I love this Tammi! Thanks for saying what alot of us wives/moms think.
I loved this! You did a great job writing it...and don't we all feel that way at times...especially during the winter!
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