I just got rid of all things baby at my house. Had a big garage sale and priced so many little clothes that I still wake up dreaming about price stickers.
As much as I like to say "I'm so glad I'm done having babies," I'm not going to lie, I've lost a few nights sleep over the loss of this stage in my life. And over the loss of clothes and things my babies used that made me feel those sad-happy-lovey emotions just by looking at them.
I will never again see the swing that swayed my babies back and forth. Or the swaddle blankets that wrapped my girls tight as I rocked them. Or my favorite little pair of neon orange Adidas shoes that looked so adorable on my girls' feet.
And this makes me so sad.
It just happened out of the blue.
All of the sudden my baby is 2 1/2 now. And getting bigger with every minute that passes.
This is all very tragic.
It's this line of thinking that gets me in trouble so this is what I'm going to write to remind myself how UN tragic it really is....
First of all, none of my girls liked the swing. So there is that.
And if I'm being honest, I was not in my prime when my babies were babies. At times I loathed being needed so very much. And if babies are anything, it is needy. It downright exhausted me to mother infants. And be pregnant. And nurse. So basically there's a good 8 year stretch of exhaustion that I'm just coming out of. The fog is beginning to lift.
It almost feels as if I was drowning and just now got a chance to come up for air. Every day I get a little more breath, a little more air. And, heck if I don't LOVE the freedom that comes with that air.
Don't get me wrong, I cherished gazing at my babies while they nursed. I loved snuggling with them and rocking them. I miss kissing their wonderfully soft baby cheeks. These times were precious, irreplaceable.
But it was also....HARD. Mentally, physically, emotionally. It was easily the most demanding thing I had ever willingly done.
While I was in the throes of baby stages, I used to joke with my friends that I was cut out to be a mother of school-aged children. (It wasn't really a joke, I just presented it that way, lest they think I was a HORRIBLE mother.) But the truth is, I am cut out much better to mother older children. In fact, I am loving it.
This is what I am cherishing now..... that I have moments where they are all playing outside and I am not needed. I love that everyone can use the toilet. I love having conversations with my kids, instead of breaking up toddler fights. I love to see the beautiful little people they are becoming inside and out.
Most of all, I love that I am not drowning anymore. I can BREATHE. And to only God be the glory I made it through the infant stages and am still here to write about it.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Sunday, June 15, 2014
10 Randoms
1. I have used the Tom Hanks line, "Are you crying??? There is no crying in baseball!" on at least one of my girls every year since we started playing.
2. You know you're aging when you think the dad in the movie is better looking than the 18 year old heart throb. #thefaultwithourstars (I don't tweet or instagram, I just like to hashtag)
3. I recently read an article that said 34 is the age you should stop wearing a bikini. I am currently 34 and I relegate bikinis to vacations with my husband because my electric white belly is oh-so-sexy. So darn it, if I want to wear one thousands of miles from where anyone knows me, I'm going to do it. Even at the scandalous age of 35!
4. I haven't changed a poopy diaper in a couple months and it is completely liberating that it will be (Lord willing) my last time potty training.
5. Some of my go-to lines this summer have been, "Seriously, you're not too old to spank!", "Everyone downstairs please, mom needs some alone time" and "I love that school is out and I can have you all home with me." #confusion
6. I haven't read a self-help book on raising kids in over a year. Does this mean I gave up or I'm getting the hang of it? Judging by #5....the former.
7. My 5 year old lost her first tooth and this makes me sad. Not because she is getting older, but because she is entering the ugly phase. #vanity
8. I hear that big hair is coming back in. This is wonderful news for me. I've been waiting for this to come back around since the Julia Roberts Pretty Woman phase.
9. I recently went to New York and decided that the street noises of New York are nothing compared to the deafing pitch of my household.
10. Dumb and Dumber To is coming out soon and this excites me. Very much.
2. You know you're aging when you think the dad in the movie is better looking than the 18 year old heart throb. #thefaultwithourstars (I don't tweet or instagram, I just like to hashtag)
3. I recently read an article that said 34 is the age you should stop wearing a bikini. I am currently 34 and I relegate bikinis to vacations with my husband because my electric white belly is oh-so-sexy. So darn it, if I want to wear one thousands of miles from where anyone knows me, I'm going to do it. Even at the scandalous age of 35!
4. I haven't changed a poopy diaper in a couple months and it is completely liberating that it will be (Lord willing) my last time potty training.
5. Some of my go-to lines this summer have been, "Seriously, you're not too old to spank!", "Everyone downstairs please, mom needs some alone time" and "I love that school is out and I can have you all home with me." #confusion
6. I haven't read a self-help book on raising kids in over a year. Does this mean I gave up or I'm getting the hang of it? Judging by #5....the former.
7. My 5 year old lost her first tooth and this makes me sad. Not because she is getting older, but because she is entering the ugly phase. #vanity
8. I hear that big hair is coming back in. This is wonderful news for me. I've been waiting for this to come back around since the Julia Roberts Pretty Woman phase.
9. I recently went to New York and decided that the street noises of New York are nothing compared to the deafing pitch of my household.
10. Dumb and Dumber To is coming out soon and this excites me. Very much.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Just for Me
I recently attended a spiritual growth workshop that was excellent. Although something weird happened that took me a while to put my finger on.
As a group we practiced Lectio Divina which, in short, is a slow reading of a few verses. While reading the verses, you're looking/praying for what God has for you in them, what words or phrases jump out and why has He called that to your attention. Every time I've done this it's been profound for me.
After we were finished with that exercise, the speaker asked us if we were willing to share what God brought forth out of those verses for us individually. As we went around the room, it was amazing to me that out of 20 or so people, not one of us had the same answer. Every one of us had a different experience with God while only studying a few verses.
But, here's the weird thing, while we were sharing, one man just simply said, "that was just for me and what I got was just for me."
My first thoughts were, "good grief, don't make it weird, just share...whatever it is that you learned could be beneficial to the rest of us too." Then I thought, "hmmm....maybe that's super mature of him, now I feel stupid for sharing so freely." I then panicked a bit, "he must think the rest of us are idiots for being so willing to share our sacred moments with God!"
Well, whatever the reason for him not sharing, it just bothered me and I could not stop thinking about it.
We live in this world of social media now where we don't even hesitate before we share. We press a button and hundreds of people know if we're mad, happy, or indifferent. We want everyone to see our baby's first smile, our fabulous batch of cookies, our anger toward politicians, verses and blogs that were speaking to us....people must know our every happening and our every accomplishment. Though much of it is superficial, we flow toward this need for people to know what's going on in our lives at all times. I am not unaffected by this (the irony is not lost on me that I'm writing a blog about not sharing).
Sometimes as I'm reading the Bible I wonder who would have written autobiographies if they lived in this day and age...or who would be trending. Definitely the guy who got his ear cut off by Peter and was immediately healed by Jesus. Would Moses? He's wasn't eloquent in speech, but could probably express himself better if he was writing things down (ahem...some of us can identify). Perhaps Judas too...he would have been posting those "I can't take this anymore!" messages on Facebook that require further probing from his "friends."
Don't get me wrong, I have been greatly benefited by others sharing their spiritual ups and downs and, in general, sharing life's ups and downs. I have experienced tremendous growth because of it. Just as Proverbs says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." We're also repeatedly told to declare God's glory.
But could some experiences in life be meant just for us? For our pleasure, for our mourning, or for our growth?
Several times in the Bible, Jesus healed people and then told them not to tell anyone. Why? Couldn't his kingdom only be benefited by sharing the amazing miracles of Christ? Well, inevitably the people always do tell and then Jesus has to flee the premises. Someone could probably write an entire book on the reasons...probably having to do with not drawing attention to the miracle, but to the man or something along those lines. But for me it sort of begs the question, "why do we have this incessant need to tell others what's happening to us? And is it always a good thing?"
So in this day of free-for-all information, sitting in a workshop listening to someone decide not to share was almost shocking to me. And after reflecting on it, I've decided it was refreshing. It was like a cool breeze in the heat of summer....rare.
At the very least, it has prompted me to think about what God would have me share with others and what's just for me. That date we went on.....maybe that's for just me and my husband to savor....That precious snapshot of my 2 year old.....that delicious batch of cookies.....Those verses I read in the quietness of morning.....that workshop I went to.....;)
As a group we practiced Lectio Divina which, in short, is a slow reading of a few verses. While reading the verses, you're looking/praying for what God has for you in them, what words or phrases jump out and why has He called that to your attention. Every time I've done this it's been profound for me.
After we were finished with that exercise, the speaker asked us if we were willing to share what God brought forth out of those verses for us individually. As we went around the room, it was amazing to me that out of 20 or so people, not one of us had the same answer. Every one of us had a different experience with God while only studying a few verses.
But, here's the weird thing, while we were sharing, one man just simply said, "that was just for me and what I got was just for me."
My first thoughts were, "good grief, don't make it weird, just share...whatever it is that you learned could be beneficial to the rest of us too." Then I thought, "hmmm....maybe that's super mature of him, now I feel stupid for sharing so freely." I then panicked a bit, "he must think the rest of us are idiots for being so willing to share our sacred moments with God!"
Well, whatever the reason for him not sharing, it just bothered me and I could not stop thinking about it.
We live in this world of social media now where we don't even hesitate before we share. We press a button and hundreds of people know if we're mad, happy, or indifferent. We want everyone to see our baby's first smile, our fabulous batch of cookies, our anger toward politicians, verses and blogs that were speaking to us....people must know our every happening and our every accomplishment. Though much of it is superficial, we flow toward this need for people to know what's going on in our lives at all times. I am not unaffected by this (the irony is not lost on me that I'm writing a blog about not sharing).
Sometimes as I'm reading the Bible I wonder who would have written autobiographies if they lived in this day and age...or who would be trending. Definitely the guy who got his ear cut off by Peter and was immediately healed by Jesus. Would Moses? He's wasn't eloquent in speech, but could probably express himself better if he was writing things down (ahem...some of us can identify). Perhaps Judas too...he would have been posting those "I can't take this anymore!" messages on Facebook that require further probing from his "friends."
Don't get me wrong, I have been greatly benefited by others sharing their spiritual ups and downs and, in general, sharing life's ups and downs. I have experienced tremendous growth because of it. Just as Proverbs says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." We're also repeatedly told to declare God's glory.
But could some experiences in life be meant just for us? For our pleasure, for our mourning, or for our growth?
Several times in the Bible, Jesus healed people and then told them not to tell anyone. Why? Couldn't his kingdom only be benefited by sharing the amazing miracles of Christ? Well, inevitably the people always do tell and then Jesus has to flee the premises. Someone could probably write an entire book on the reasons...probably having to do with not drawing attention to the miracle, but to the man or something along those lines. But for me it sort of begs the question, "why do we have this incessant need to tell others what's happening to us? And is it always a good thing?"
So in this day of free-for-all information, sitting in a workshop listening to someone decide not to share was almost shocking to me. And after reflecting on it, I've decided it was refreshing. It was like a cool breeze in the heat of summer....rare.
At the very least, it has prompted me to think about what God would have me share with others and what's just for me. That date we went on.....maybe that's for just me and my husband to savor....That precious snapshot of my 2 year old.....that delicious batch of cookies.....Those verses I read in the quietness of morning.....that workshop I went to.....;)
Monday, February 24, 2014
Introducing....Brown Elmo
Brianna turned 2 a few days ago. Can't believe my baby's 2 already. I'm enjoying her so much it's going to be really hard to say goodbye to the 2's forever. But then, there are also days when it's not going to be so hard to say goodbye to the 2's!
She insisted she wanted an Elmo cake for her birthday and heck if I'm going to tell her no with those big brown eyes staring up at me:). However, I did cringe inside knowing I was going to have to tackle red frosting again.
I threw an Elmo party for Rylie 5 years ago and tried in vain to get red frosting. I ended up tossing the botched frosting and buying the disgusting tube frosting. So this time I was determined to get it right.
I did some research online and several sites were saying to tint it pink first. OK. Did that. Then I put in half a bottle of the Wilton red and it turned a beautiful dark....pink. UGH. Some websites were saying to add some black. Did that. Added too much black. GRRRRRRRR. Now I had a nice mauve Elmo.
By the way, if you didn't know, the color also darkens with time. I found this out the hard way. When I woke to take a peek at Elmo, hoping it had miraculously turned red overnight, it had actually turned into a poopy brown color. BLAH!!!
(I texted my mom a picture and she said she liked it better than the original...isn't that so something a mom would say, ha!)
My redemption came when I showed it to Bri and she screamed....ELMO MOMMY! So, I guess it's still a win, brown or not.
She insisted she wanted an Elmo cake for her birthday and heck if I'm going to tell her no with those big brown eyes staring up at me:). However, I did cringe inside knowing I was going to have to tackle red frosting again.
I threw an Elmo party for Rylie 5 years ago and tried in vain to get red frosting. I ended up tossing the botched frosting and buying the disgusting tube frosting. So this time I was determined to get it right.
I did some research online and several sites were saying to tint it pink first. OK. Did that. Then I put in half a bottle of the Wilton red and it turned a beautiful dark....pink. UGH. Some websites were saying to add some black. Did that. Added too much black. GRRRRRRRR. Now I had a nice mauve Elmo.
By the way, if you didn't know, the color also darkens with time. I found this out the hard way. When I woke to take a peek at Elmo, hoping it had miraculously turned red overnight, it had actually turned into a poopy brown color. BLAH!!!
(I texted my mom a picture and she said she liked it better than the original...isn't that so something a mom would say, ha!)
My redemption came when I showed it to Bri and she screamed....ELMO MOMMY! So, I guess it's still a win, brown or not.
 |
| I put some red sprinkles on that help a little....a very little. |
Happy Birthday Bri!
I love you so much that I would
try red frosting again!*
*Please don't ask though
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