When I was in Philadelphia a couple weeks ago, I spent some time in thought and in prayer about how I viewed my life as a mom. I already told you a while back I have a hard time viewing my kids as interruptions rather than my focus in life. This is something I've struggled with for a while now so I decided it was time to deal with it. I spent some time trying to answer these questions: Why can't I just be content with the job the Lord has given me? Why do I fight so hard against motherhood and all it entails? Where is that happy medium between a helicopter mom and a checked out mom?
Obviously I love my girls, but I knew I needed to be more present for them, not only in body, but mind and soul as well. Oh...we play hard, read countless stories, paint and color things, but I often feel distracted while I'm doing this. My mind pulls me away and tells me there's something better to do. I find myself fighting against what my life has become. Well, I didn't get any major answers on my trip, but I came back with some renewed energy and a resolve that I will be present for my children. Kind of that renewed love for your life after you get away from it for a while.
I did get a pretty firm answer the week after I got back though. My devotions took me to Luke to revisit the story of Christ's birth. With my views on motherhood in the back of my mind, I saw Mary in a new light this time around.
I saw her as a woman who didn't ask to be a mother but didn't hesitate in the least to take that call. "I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered, "May it be to me as you have said." No fit throwing, no arguing, just acceptance. I asked to be a mother and I feel like I'm hesitating. God has given me 2 amazing gifts and I still feel pulled to a life that involves my rights, my needs...my selfishness.
Mary was a trusting mom, not a hovering helicopter mom. At 12 years old, Jesus was accidentally left at the temple after the Feast of the Passover. I mean, sure, he was perfect and all, but she let go of her need to control his every move. She didn't give into fear of the "what if's." (There was also the added pressure of making sure nothing happened to the Savior of all mankind.)
Even though Mary didn't hover, she was a very caring and thoughtful mom. She "treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." She treasured her moments with Jesus. She reflected on how people reacted to him and how he responded to questions. I'm sure she knew his time was short so she cherished what little time she had.
As if Mary's account in God's Word wasn't enough, I also came across this quote in a book I was reading:
Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.
~ Jim Elliot, Christian missionary and martyr
I believe motherhood to be God's will for me. I need to be all there. When I'm spending time interacting with the girls my focus needs to be on them. I need to treasure up and ponder their questions, answers, reactions, interactions in my heart so I might know and understand them. But I also need to trust the Lord with them when I'm not spending quality time with them - he can hover over them.
I'm sure at times I will be distracted, tired, irritated, and selfish but I will discipline myself to be there, and I will want to be there...I will be all there.
2 comments:
Do you know that Kel and I were just talking about where we are failing in parenting and the word we decided summed up what we need to do about it was "intentional." We need to be intentional about what we want our kids to learn. Intentional about how we are going to relate to them. Intentional about getting our spiritual lives on track. I could go on and on, but the bottom line is that becoming the kind of parents God calls us to be does not just happen. Its Intentional.
Intentional...great word. And so true.
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