She's Answered (Part 2)

Over 2 years ago I wrote this post (check it out if you haven't read it.)

She Waits (Part 1)

 

With tears in my eyes and my heart overflowing, I am more happy than you'll ever know that I get to write Part 2 to this story.



 

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I actually pictured the second half of this story to go way differently.  I had prayed so fervently that Nat would have a baby that I had worked up a scenario in my mind that I was just sure would come true.

We would be having lunch at Pizza Hut. (It had to be Pizza Hut, because we had been "lunching" there since we met in 1997.  In the early days, without fail, every time we ate there Nat would pop a quarter in the jukebox and play "Bump and Grind" by R. Kelly.  We would laugh until we cried.  A part of me died when they remodeled and got rid of that jukebox.)  Anyway, in my scenario, we would be chatting and then Nat would casually say, "hey Tam, guess what....I'm pregnant!!!"  And we would both scream and then cry and create a big scene.  The waitress would come over to see if we were all right...


But, enough of my romanticism...God had a much different idea of how things would go and here's how Part 2 really happened:

 

About 2 years ago, after many tears and disappointing doctor appointments, Natalie and Jerod felt the Lord calling them toward adoption.  As most all families who have adopted know, this began a wild, stressful, uncertain and many times, discouraging journey for them.  Several months into it, after many setbacks and disappointments, they seemed to really "catch a break." 

A break that was clearly one of Divine intervention. 

Jerod's uncle, who is a doctor, had a special patient one day.  An aging foster care mother, who had a beautiful baby boy whom she loved but felt she wasn't in a place to raise, came into the clinic.  Out of pure "chance" and completely unrelated to why she came to the doctor, she began to chat about her situation.  Jerod's uncle told her Nat and Jerod's story and gave her their information.  

And so began Jerod and Nat's pursuit of little Easton Dean. The situation seemed too good to be true.  Easton's middle name "Dean" was even Natalie's late father's middle name!  They knew this was the little boy God had for them.  The child they had waited 8 years to hold.  But, unfortunately, as with all things that seem too perfect, there were many barriers between them and this precious boy.  The journey was not a smooth one, filled with court appearances, mounds of paperwork and all sorts of legal nonsense. 

The stress of all this really took a toll on Natalie's health and I was genuinely worried for my friend.  I often wondered how much a person can actually take before they get overtaken.  I think Nat was on the brink of insanity, though I would never tell her this of course.  "Let's think positive" is what I would try to say.  (Yes, I know, friends don't get any better than me. I'm never one to come in with a great word of advice, it just eludes me.)

But, what I've been learning a lot about lately is that there are 2 stories in life.  An upper story and a lower story.  What we live out and can only see is the lower story.  Only God can see both the upper and lower stories.  Our pastor explained it well....he said it's like cross stitching. Only God can see what's on top and it looks beautiful and perfectly done.  What we see is the backside or underside of a cross stitch. It looks a little messy at times, but all the while God is orchestrating something beautiful.

And, 8 years in the making, he did orchestrate something beautiful indeed. 

A few days ago, on January 9th, Natalie and Jerod officially became parents to little Easton Dean.  What a glorious, glorious day!

 

She is Answered.

 

Isn't he adorable?!!

 

Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
And hope does not disappoint us...

Romans 5:3-5a

 

Meeting Blake

We got to have our friends Anna and Jarod over last night to officially meet Blake, their new son.  I felt like I already knew him from reading her blog and keeping updated on her adoption process, but it still seemed surreal to have him in our home.  He was totally squeezable, adorable and as active as any little boy around!

I am continually amazed at the heart of my friend.  See how busy she is?

But she's so happy to have all her kids under one roof. I'm sure there will be many tough times ahead, but she was willing.  Despite the unknowns of raising a down's syndrome baby and the unknowns of adoption in general she was willing to do what not many people do. 

I'm actually fortunate to have a lot of people around me who have adopted or are in the process and I think that's an awesome thing.  Not only for them, but for me. They kind of prompt me to ask myself, would I be this accepting?  Loving?

Because of Anna and Jarod and my sister/brother-in-law, adoption is a hot topic in our house right now. Rylie recently asked, "Mom, when are we going to adopt?"  Don't you just love a child-like faith?  I love that it seems like the norm to her that people take others into their lives and homes without hesitation.

Adoption is commonplace in my circle of friends and family.  And, what a gift! 

Obviously it's a gift to the child.  Not only are they brought into a loving home, but they are going to be surrounded by other kids in the community who have also been adopted.

It's a gift to the families who are adopting. At the very least, they are given a chance to grow in faith and love as they try to figure out how best to do this thing God has asked of them.

And it's a gift to those of on the outside looking in.  We get to participate in the process, watch the kids grow and flourish in their new homes, and above all, ask ourselves, could I possibly do something like this?  Does God want this for my life too?  What way can I show love to others as unselfishly as these people have?

So, thank you to those of you who follow the Lord's leading in your lives without hesitation.  Your love is abounding and it truly is a gift.  May the glory and praise be to God!

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God.

Philippians 1:9-11

~ This week's verse

Thanks Laughter

This past weekend was a good one.  It brought me a lot of laughter and happy moments. It was a good transition into Thanksgiving week.  Here were some things that made my weekend...

Laughter

Thanks to everyone who posted their pregnancy stories in last week's blog.  I have been giggling off and on about many of them over the last few days. Mainly because I can relate to so much of it.  In fact, I have had my own "pizza incident" and my own good cry over thinking I'm going to be a horrible mom. Irrationality is just so darn funny sometimes!


Joy

Thanks to Panda Kitchen for opening in our town when I am 6 months pregnant and have the will power of a 2 year old.  My husband will blaze a trail to your doors over the next few months. Sesame chicken and fried rice, I love you.


Happiness


Thanks Breaking Dawn (Part 1) for giving my best bud and me a chance to relive our youth.  Thank you for your cheesiness, your ability to suck us in year after year and the never-ending tension between Edward and Bella.  And thank you for stretching it out into 2 parts so we can do it all over again in a year.

Thanks

Thank you Lord for happiness, joy, and laughter. 

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This Week's Verse:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was with God in the beginning.  Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.

John 1:1-3

Happy Thanksgiving!

At Last

My friend Anna left today for the Ukraine to go get this little guy.

Blake Andrew

The one they've been waiting for, praying for, hoping for, fighting for and loving!
 
I would love if you would join me in praying for Anna and her husband, Jerad, this week!

Pray for:

~Jerad as he's home with their 2 girls this week while Anna and her mom travel to get Blake

~ Safe Travel
 
~ Ease of getting Blake's birth certificate and passport

~That Blake gets medically cleared to enter the U.S.

~ A smooth plane ride back for Blake, Anna and her mom

~ That nothing would hold them back from bringing him home

~ For their girls and their family to adjust well to having a new sibling

Go get him Anna!

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This Week's Verse:

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

James 1:12

Round #3

I took 5 before I really actually believed it.

I feel sick.

And tired.

And cranky, as my posts have probably reflected.

But, more than that I feel blessed. 

Blessed that God has given me another child.

And a little shocked that He thinks I can handle it.

He's due in February.

We're hoping for a boy so I prefer to be optimistic about the "he" part.

What can it hurt?

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This Week's Verse:

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it."
Mark 8:34-35

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My friend Anna's adoption recently was covered on Channel 3 news! Check it out!

Make sure to go on her blog to leave a comment about her story! She gets one dollar for every comment left.  Plus you can't help but be touched by the outpouring of support and all the kind words from others!  Might want to keep your Kleenex handy!

Help Me Celebrate!

This week I'm celebrating my Blog Anniversary.  I've been a "blogger" for one year now.  A lot of people celebrate their anniversaries by doing a giveaway.  Well, I'm not that tech savvy, neither do I have the time or patience to figure out how to do it.  Although I probably should do it as a reward for those who actually take time to read my random thoughts. Do you feel like you need a reward after getting through one of my blog posts?  :)  Well, perhaps another day. 

So I decided to promote my friend Anna's fundraiser/giveaway instead. I've written a bit about her adoption in the past.  I am just amazed at her and others around me that are in the adoption process.  I feel blessed to be a part of their adoptions in any way I can.  Their desire to serve God in this way is just amazing to me.  Gives me the warm fuzzies.

Well if you haven't already read or heard about it, Anna and her family have decided to adopt a boy with Down Syndrome (pictured below). She continues to faithfully raise funds and I'm amazed at her persistence and dedication to get her boy home as soon as possible.

Click here to donate and sign up for the prizes she's giving away as a thank you for your support.  She's offering several different prizes so make sure to look at them all!  The grand prize is a Wii!  Scroll to the very end of her blog page to view the 5 different prize packages.

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This Week's Verse:

But as for me, I keep watch for the Lord. I wait in hope for God my Savior; my God will hear me.

Micah 7:7

Grab This!

Grass is Always Greener

A few weeks ago my friend sent me a blog article by Lysa TerKeurst of Proverbs 31 Ministries.  It was about jealousy and comparing yourself to other women and their accomplishments. I wanted to quote a few words from it since she puts it so well:

“Wow… look at her marriage. They seem to have it so together.”

“She eats whatever she wants and never gains an ounce. Must be nice.”

“Her outfits always look so snappy while I have a serious case of the frump.”

“I wish I had her job- her smarts- her income. Sigh.”

 Whenever I get an overly idyllic view of someone else’s circumstances, I often remind myself out loud, “I am not equipped to handle what they have—both good and bad.”

When I want the good things someone has, I must realize that I’m also asking for the bad that comes along with it. It’s always a package deal. And usually if I just give a situation enough time to unfold, I thank God I didn’t get someone else’s package.

I find myself often going down the road of comparison.  My comparison games usually go a little something like this:

~I wish I could write like her.  She just has a way with words.

~Look at all the fun and creative things she does with her kids. I wish I could parent like her. 

~Wouldn't it be nice if I were like her and could juggle more than one thing at a time?

~Her house looks so nice.  Wish I could decorate like her.

I love Lysa's line "I am not equipped to handle what they have - both good and bad." We so often look at other women's qualities and see only the good, not the struggles they go through.

I have a friend that I admire and would often compare myself to and end up short every time.  It seems like there is nothing she can't tackle or handle.  She is so full of Godly wisdom and that wisdom seems to make everything around her a success.  Her marriage, her parenting, her ministries, her businesses..... But she recently admitted her stress and fatigue over all the things she has going on in her life.  And, while I'm sorry for her, it was sort of a relief to find out she wasn't perfect after all.

God has equipped her with so much and there is no way I could ever handle that and make it out alive. But she can.  She'll make it through the fatigue and come out on top.  And that's the way God made her, not me.  He equipped me in different ways.  Ways that I need to recognize, nuture, and be thankful for. 

~Maybe I can't write like Beth Moore, but I can be thankful that I have a place to write about what God's teaching me.

~Maybe I can't do crafts and projects without losing it, but I can read to and play with my kids.

~Maybe I can't handle a lot at once, but I can do the best at what God has given me to handle. 

~Maybe I can't decorate like my sister, but I do know what I can do well....clean and keep a nice home.

 Making comparisons is just human nature.  The grass always seems greener on the other side.  But I think the Lord would probably say, "The grass can be green on your side too. You just have to water it." :)

Bring Blake Home

This is my friend Anna and her girls.

I often tell her how proud I am of her determination and work ethic.  She's one of those annoying people that has great ideas and actually has the drive to put them into practice.  But most importantly, when the Lord lays something on her heart she runs with it and doesn't look back. I love this about her.

Her latest conviction?  Adoption.
Hesitation?  Not at all. 
Faith?  Amazing.
Heart?  Couldn't be bigger.

I'm proud to call her my friend.  Read about her adoption process HERE and learn how you can help her and Jerad bring Blake home! 

Click below to see and read about the new love of her life...




Grab This!

Next Detour ~ Tam and Nat Take New York

After our Boston visit, Nat and I said a sad goodbye to Jenae and boarded a sketchy bus for New York.  But, I suppose you can't expect much for a $24 ride.

We made it to NY alive and hit the ground running because we really only had about 1 day there.  We were quickly suckered into buying tickets to a comedy show from a guy on the street.  He boasted that comedians from The David Letterman show were often there.  Well, when we got to the show that night, not only was the ticket salesman one of the comedians, we were about 2 of 20 people in the audience. Chalk it up to an ignorant tourist move...

The next day we awoke early to wait in the stand-by by line for The View

We made some friends while standing in line. We spent a few hours with these 2 waiting to see if we got in.  April (with the Umbrella) was picked to do the segue to the commercial later - she was pumped!

We were in the very back row but we made it!

Make-up time during commercial break.  They would answer questions from the audience during commercials.

After The View it was off to see the Statue of Liberty.  We were the only ones on the Subway for several stops which was super eerie, since there is ALWAYS people around in NYC. 

So we capitalized on this opportunity to try out some of our latest moves.  I ended up falling down...ahhh, immaturity - it's good for the soul.

 

Next up: Broadway

We ate a famous NYC hot dog while we waited in line for 1/2 price tickets to a Broadway show.

We got tickets to Mama Mia!  Since I needed to pick up some make-up at Bare Escentuals we got the bright idea to get our make-up done for the show.  We thought we looked great at Mamma Mia, but when we got back to the hotel and looked through our pictures we found out we actually looked like transvestites without our wigs on.  We laughed so hard we cried. 

OK so we aren't quite Kim and Kourtney, nor do we want to be, but we did have the time of our lives!

Whatever is True

So, as you know, I've been a little down in the dumps lately. I was really looking forward to my getaway to yes, getaway from it all. I think Nat was scared I was going to ruin our trip by crying the whole time. I may have let a few tears fall on our plane ride over there....and a few fellow passengers may have turned around in their seats to see what was going on.

Thank God for my friend though, she spoke truth to me and now I get it. She told me to focus on these verses.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. 

Philippians 4:8 

That's just it. My friend saw in me what I couldn't see. I was focusing, obsessing even, on things that were not true.  Only imagined.  Only blown up in my mind.  Blown up so huge they were crowding out whatever was true.  I took a few bothersome things that were said and done to me and let my thoughts run wild with self pity, words and actions of revenge, jealousy, and the list goes on.  Before I knew it, I was fully resentful and fully unaware of it. For the life of me, I couldn't pinpoint why I was so sad.  I knew it had to be more than the "winter blues" because this sadness was a soul sadness.  My thoughts had been taken captive without my knowing and they brought me to a dark place I'd never been before. 

Satan sure is crafty, isn't he?

It's going to take me a while to get out of the hole I've dug for myself but I do feel hope again.  Joy even.  I just wish I had seen it sooner before I became such a mess.  Now I am aware of the darkness and I am prepared for it. Instead of my thoughts revolving around self-pity and what smart-alecky thing I would say if the opportunity arose, I am trying to focus on what exactly is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.

I allowed Satan to get me into this mess but the Lord's gonna get me out.

First Detour - Boston

If you've never gotten a chance to take a trip with your best buds...do it.  There is nothing like staring adventure in the face with a friend.  Mix in a little immaturity and you will feel a spark again.  The spark that got forgotten somewhere along the road to responsibility and maturity. That darn road that tells you it's time to act your age, talk a certain way, go certain places, get involved, and put on a happy face while doing it. The road of adulthood.

So, I took a detour off this blah road and threw my responsible hat out the window for a few days.  First, my friend Natalie and I went to visit our friend Jenae in Boston.  Okay, so we knitted on the plane and if that doesn't say "adult, verging on old lady" nothing does, but we did giggle most of the way so that makes up for it.

Reconnecting

Here's Jenae and her family in the hats we knitted them...aren't they an adorable family??

Bieber Fever

Nat and I slept in the girl's room....the one with the Justin Bieber poster hanging on the wall.  FYI - I look like I'm kissing Jenae but it's supposed to be the Justin poster...

Together Again at Last!

We braved the subway together for a shopping outing




A Good Find



Jenae had this fabulous jacket from H&M that Nat and I raved about. And, what do you know? When we went shopping that day it was 1/2 price, so we got one too! Our style is very original...




A World Away



We walked around the Harvard campus and I'm pretty sure this is as close as we are ever going to get to setting foot inside the library there.



 A Must Have

Had some amazing New England Clam Chowder!

Beautiful Boston 



This is Jenae's view!

You know those easy friends? The ones you haven't seen for a while but you can just pick up where you left off with?  Well, that's Jenae.  Within the first few hours of getting there we had all laughed, cried, and just felt blessed to be friends and still be a part of each others lives.

So, to my faraway friend, you are loved and you are missed!  Thanks for being such an easy friend.

Time to Party!

Superbowl Party time again!

Wait...there's more downstairs...

My favorite part was taking pics of all the little men.

I've never had so many dashing gents in my presence!

And who can't help but smile when she's around?

And, of course, all the princesses were here...

And here are those we envy who don't have toddlers and can actually watch the game....

Lots of laughs and lots of fun!

Lots of great food too, but I didn't waste time taking pictures of that...

 I had to get a good place in line!

Can't wait until next year rolls around!

An Old Friend

It has been cold and rainy for the past 2 days here. I was inside all day yesterday so an old friend came to visit me.  His name was Boredom.  He invited his friends - Restlessness, Unmotivation, Sadness, and Envy.  We had a great time during their visit - they pretty much stayed all day long.

"Hey Boredom, how are you? Haven't seen you since last February," I said.
"I'm bored," he replied with a yawn.
Then Boredom told me that playing with my children inside is a drag. 
He said, "why are you always Ken, it's so boring, can't you be Barbie every once in a while?" and "seriously, another puppet show - kill me now."
I fought against him saying "I should want to play with my kids. This time is short...soon they won't want anything to do with me." 
Then he said, "but you hate to play, always have, always will." 
"Touche," I agreed.

Restlessness joined in saying, "let's get out of here! Let's go do something, anything! We could walk around Alco again."
"No, I need to stay here for once.  I'm always dragging my kids places to get out of the house."
"Why don't you just get a real job?" Restlessness taunted.
"But I love being home with my kids."
"Do you?"
"I don't know. Sometimes...in the summer."
"But the winter is brutal, look what you have ahead of you - painfully long days, darkness,  loneliness. Your kids would probably be happier playing with other kids at daycare - you don't do anything compared to other stay at home moms anyway...you have no special hobbies, talents, or creative genes to pass on to your children."
"You're right." He had made a good point.

"What are you doing, don't get up - just sit on the couch!" Unmotivation chimed in.
"But I should really make some cookies for Gladys, her husband just passed away and she's lonely," I said.
"There's always tomorrow."
"What about the laundry and, oh, the basement needs a deep clean in the worst way."
"Tomorrow...."
"Okay," I said.

Then Sadness crept in the house without me even knowing. "Why don't you feel sorry for yourself today?" she asked.
"Why?" I replied.
"Because you used to be important, now you play Barbies for a living."
"So true," I said as I contemplated letting myself have a good cry.

"You should cry because you used to be important, but now your husband is," agreed Envy.
"But Envy, I chose to stay at home with my kids, I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to do that."
"Maybe if you lived in the city like your sisters you would have more to do. You would have play gyms and all sorts of opportunities for your children - your sisters have a better life than you do," he pushed.
"I like this town and I like my life here," I pushed back.
"The country then," he said, "you've always wanted to live there. What's holding you back?  Look at the peaceful, nice houses out in the country. There is so much more for your girls to do out there."
I surrendered, "Oh, you're so right, how I long for wide open spaces again."

As I was listening to Boredom, Restlessness, Unmotivation, Sadness, and Envy, I thought I heard someone else trying to speak. I listened closely but I could barely hear His voice, the other voices were drowning it out. I think He said,

"Be still and know that I am God."

But I couldn't be sure....

She Waits (Part 1)



Jerod and Natalie holding Austyn in the hospital



I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. Psalms 130:5

This is my best friend Natalie. We are soul sistas. She gets me and I get her. We've been mistaken for sisters based on our looks many times but I think we are really almost one and the same person. We could be real life sisters. I met Nat for the first time on the basketball court our freshman year of college. We were instant friends. She took notes for me in Sociology while I nodded off, I helped her weed the junior high clothes out of her college wardrobe, we cried over boys and basketball, we laughed about everything. We still cry and laugh together, but sometimes I long for the carefree life of college days. Little did we know what different roads our lives would take us on. It's the not knowing that gets you through.

When I asked her if I could write about her she told me to stay away from 2 subjects: "my hair and the 2 guys I dated named Ernest". All I have to say to that is: I would never touch the hair and...how does a person date 1 guy named Ernest let alone 2?

Behind this beautiful smile has been much pain. (Well, literally, a few years back a dentist damaged a nerve and she sometimes has shooting pain when she smiles and kisses her husband :).)  When I first met Natalie she was hurting. Her dad passed away just a year earlier - when she was a junior in high school.  Despite this suffering, she was probably the happiest person I had ever met. I love this joy about her. Shortly after her father was gone, a friend had invited her to a church service and she was saved. She was new to her faith but it was strong and she saw hope and happiness through the pain. From the time we first met to now, her joy has continued to be tested.

After college she fell in love with and married Jerod, the perfect guy for her, and a year later they began to dream of starting a family. Five years later that dream is still on hold as she struggles down the long road of infertility. As she goes to doctor after doctor she never, in a million years, thought this would be her life. But despite all the heartbreak and the pain...she waits.

She listens to well meaning advice from friends and family. She's done all she can do physically to prepare her body for a baby. She watches everyone around her have babies of their own. But she waits.

As her friend, I have had to tell her twice I will be living her dream. She's watched me have two babies and couldn't be happier for me. She's never once tried to take my joy away with her pain. Did she go home and cry after I told her my news or after she visited me in the hospital when I had each of my girls?  Maybe...probably.  She cries over the death of her dream, but she is content, she finds joy amidst the pain.  Mine is the soul that is toubled. How can this be? There is no one who would be a better mom than Natalie. How many hours have I spent on my knees asking the Lord to bless her with a baby of her own? How many hours has she? She waits. She prays, she smiles, she cries and she waits.

Five years she has waited. What is she waiting for? Why doesn't she just adopt? Foster? Why doesn't she do in vitro? These are the questions everyone asks her...asks me. The answer is simple yet the most difficult thing to do in this fast paced, answers-now world we live in. She's waiting on the Lord. She knows every option available to her but she is waiting on the Lord's voice. Not opinions, not feelings, not impulses...His voice.  And when she hears it she will know, but until then...she waits.

I am in awe of my friend. I'm so proud and blessed to call her my friend. This story is titled (Part 1) for a reason. There will be a part 2 and it will be amazing because she waits.

But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me. Micah 7:7

Happy Birthday Nat!  I wish everyone could have a friend like you.

Knitting 101

I signed up for a knitting class a while back through Groupon. I've always wanted to learn how to knit or crochet but never really found the person to teach me or the time to do it. So when I got this coupon I heard opportunity knocking. I convinced my friend Natalie to sign up with me and we are both now proud graduates of knitting 101. I thought I would show you our first projects....

This was the project we worked on in class.  It was not supposed to be anything in particular but while I was working on it at home my husband asked me if I was knitting him a jock. Nat and I kept knitting tighter and tighter as we went on and our "projects" curled up in a tight roll and ended up looking ridiculous as you can see.

Here are a few uses Nat and I came up with for our first projects:

How about bringing back the sweatband?

Possible Bikini top...we actually saw a knitted bikini in the shop we took our class in. Not sure I would want to pop out of the water with that on after a dive.

A half neck scarf perhaps...

When we first got to class the instructor made us go around the table and tell her why we wanted to start knitting. I gave a wonderful answer "so I can knit and keep my husband company while he watches TV." I later found out that if Eric even tries to make conversation with me I mess up my stitches and forget where I'm at. I end up yelling "Don't talk to me! Just wait until I get to the end of my row!" So much for bonding.

My first mistake was a lesson for the whole class as the instructor revealed "the first lesson in knitting is DON'T PANIC!" I can't help but letting out a high pitched "craaaap!" everytime I screw up.

Here are our next couple projects:

not bad for our first washrag project on our own

But how can one get worse on the second project?  Nat's is the blue one by the way...I'm not claiming that.

We're both beginning to wonder if some things aren't meant to be done by certain people.

Nat came up with the name for our store when we perfect our talents  ~  Wound Tight  ~  the name totally encapsulates all that we are. Eat your hearts out Carisa and Ashley...we will be putting you out of business in no time!

To Feel Loved

I was chatting with my neighbor yesterday and she was talking about making bierocks for her husband. For those of you who don't know what bierocks are - it's a german/mennonite thing. I don't understand the intense love for these hamburger and cabbage filled rolls around here, and she doesn't necessarily love them either, but her husband does. So she told me she makes them because "he feels loved" when she does. I've heard her say this several times before - "I do... fill in the blank...because my husband feels loved when I do" - and think it's so cool.

Something about her verbalizing it makes me think "what can I do today to make my husband feel loved?". Then it makes me think what a great way to tell your kids why you're doing things..."I'm making bierocks because daddy loves it when I do". This may sound like a no-brainer to some people but I'm not a hugely verbal person so I need to get ideas of how to communicate from other people.


I cook meals my husband likes, keep the house in order because I know he likes it, pay the bills because he hates that job...but I rarely say to my kids or myself "I'm doing this because it makes Eric feel loved". Just saying it out loud or thinking it, would change your "work" into a deliberate act of service for someone you love.  These simple words could change your whole perspective and attitude about work and service.


But why is it so hard to deliberately do things for the people we love?  Why do we war against this?  Fear of not getting recognition?  Fear we won't be appreciated?  Fear it won't be reciprocated?  Fear.

I tried it out on Rylie today when she asked why I was making ribbon bridles for her horses. I said "because I love you and I want to help you out." Her response was an excited smile. This was good. We haven't had a whole lot to smile about lately....4 has been a hard age. The other day after I told her I loved her she said "except when I'm naughty." I assured her I love her at all times, but I find it hard to get across to her exactly what love means. So thanks, my neighbor, for giving me another way to communicate to my family that I love them!

A Visit to Missouri

We went to Branson, Missouri this weekend to visit my cousin Sara. I love Missouri. Not only is the landscape gorgeous, the people and things you encounter will give you water cooler conversation for a good year. Unfortunately, I forgot my camera so I will just give you a run down of a few things we happened to see on on our visit.

1. We stopped at a gas station and there was a new sign on the door that read:

*EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY*

No Shoes

No Shirt

No Service

2. Saw this sign also:

3. We saw a "houseboat" almost identical to this one:

4. Saw a lot of these types of houses:

With this view:





5. But this is the very best thing to see in Missouri:





We love you guys! Loved your precious new baby Noah too....oh, Sara....wish we still only lived 3 miles apart instead of 300. Happy 30th!

These are the People

Every once in a while people come into your life and change it forever. These are the people who changed my life forever. Their names are Stephen and Mary K Humber. Stephen is our associate pastor and he and Mary K lead our Sunday School class. I'm not sure I've told these two what a significant role they've played in my growth with the Lord. So this is me doing that.

We started going to our church a few months after we moved here...been about 6 years ago I think. We felt the Lord calling us to this church, and felt like we immediately belonged. Eric and I probably went to church 6 months to a year before we started going to Sunday School class. We had been invited a lot but never felt like going because we didn't want to be uncomfortable. We tried a class, felt uncomfortable, so we never went back. Then Stephen invited Eric to go to Thailand with him and everything began to change. Eric felt honored to even be invited since we weren't even involved in any way with the church.

After that trip, we began to attend a young married class that Stephen and Mary K led. I had never met anyone quite like them. Totally passionate about the gospel but also very, very real. Up to that point I'd never met a pastor I could relate to. They all seemed head and shoulders above the me...living a life of perfection, having all the answers. I think this kept me from trying to learn more about the Lord because I felt like this "perfect," no sin kind of life felt unattainable for me. I'm sure if I would have gotten to know my pastors better I would have seen a different side of them.

Let's just say that Stephen and Mary K have no qualms about letting you know their struggles. They actually came to class one day totally ticked off at each other and not on speaking terms (we were studying love and respect in your marriage at the time). I love this! I'm sure it sucked for them but it sure taught me a lot. You can be totally in love with the Lord and simultaneously nasty to your spouse...who would've thought?

This living life wide open was a new concept for me and really appealed to me. These two meet people where they're at. I think many pastors forget what it's like to be at the very beginning of your spiritual walk so they can't identify with you. This class and time spent with these passionate people kick started my search for a deeper faith. A faith I didn't know existed. Their passion was contagious. I learned how to really study the Bible and listen for God's voice.....am still learning.

Stephen and Mary K often talk about wanting to be on the mission field. They don't understand why God has them in this town. Well, I know why. And if it's for me and only for me.....thank you. Thank you for showing me what a real life Christian looks like. Thank you for not judging. Thank you for loving and caring about those of us who are already saved but don't know how to live this faith out. Thank you for answering God's call.

Small Town

Yesterday I decided to use a gift certificate for a massage that my wonderful friend Jen gave me. I love getting massages. But, living in small town America, it just so happens that my massage therapist is also my next door neighbor Kim. I adore her and her family. I love chatting with her about life while our girls decide whose yard is more fun to play in that day. And she gives a mean massage.

I get the hour long massage because, let's face it, 30 minutes is a waste of time where massages are concerned. After it's over I groggily walk into the waiting room and make some small talk with Kim. I wonder if today is the day I'm going to ask her if it's weird to see me practically naked because I wonder every time I go in. Maturity wins. I don't ask. I do, however find the courage to tell her that I am going to buy her a mirror to put in the massage room. After the last time I got a massage I ran around town looking like a Dallas Cowboys player. My mascara had formed two black circles under my eyes and I had no idea. I actually really wanted to bring one with me this time as a house warming gift for her new location but that would have required forethought.

Later that evening, I was telling Eric about my massage. I told him how wonderful it was and that I really should go more often. Then he says, "Did you ask Kim if it's weird for her to see you naked?" I roll my eyes and sigh. My husband is so immature.